Lyra

I'm a grandma! The instant I saw this little bundle my heart melted. She is beautiful. Lyra Adele Ritner, born September 12, 2009, 7 pounds, 14 oz.

The second we heard my daughter-in-law was headed to the hospital, Boyd and I jumped in the car and drove 14 hours to see our new grandchild. We were exhausted by the time we got to Washington. We didn't get to the hospital until 10:30pm. We had to go through security, have our car searched and then we got lost inside the hospital. But opening that door and seeing my son's new family was life changing. I can't even put it in words. They were all exhausted but beaming. Lyra was calm and comfortable snuggled into her mom. My heart melted as I looked into little Lyra's face. My granddaughter, a new person, a new branch to our family. The love was instant. My son is a father. Can't wait to get back over to the hospital this morning.

Becoming a grandma

Here at my son's house in Bremerton, Washington. I watched him and my husband put together a crib for the baby due in September. Watched my daughter-in-law's belly contort as little Lyra squirmed around trying to find some more room in there. It all brings back so many memories. Seems like it was just yesterday I was experiencing all that first hand and now here is my little boy as a man about to be a daddy. Can't wait to hold my granddaughter in my arms. I already love her.

The Power of Now

How do you live in the now? You must have a passion, something to focus on, a goal, a dream, something to strive for.

The gentle rocking of a sleeping baby in your arms, the sweet baby smell, your breathing synchronized with his as his warm little body melds into yours. You can think of nothing else but keeping them warm and safe. People are talking around you but you can only hear the breathing and the heartbeat of the little child in your arms. You feel as one with the child as you glide back and forth in the chair. You must provide for them, they are your center, your passion. Your every waking moment is to care for this child.That is living in the now.

My children are in their twenties now. One of them is going to be a parent soon. It seems so long ago that they were babies. My sister just had a baby, he is seven months old. I just spent five days with my little nephew taking care of him. That mother instinct never leaves. The care is constant. I had no time to worry about what I left behind at work or the projects I had undone or when my next exercise class was or what I was eating or drinking. It was quite eye-opening to me. You never stop until it’s feeding time and then you can sit down in that rocker, darken the room and slowly rock as the baby touches your hand and you feed him. I had forgotten all that. That’s why it all goes by so fast; you are in the moment thinking of nothing else but what is happening in front of your eyes.. That’s living in the moment, living in the now.

I’ve experienced the same passage of time as I’m creating a piece of artwork or walking on the beach looking for treasures. When you do something you have a passion for you don’t have time to notice what time it is or think about your bills or problems. You are just in the moment, nothing else matters. The dishes can wait, the pot can boil over, the laundry can pile up you don’t care because you are rocking a child or painting a picture or writing a song or petting your cat. You are living in the now.

I can remember how hard it was to be sleep deprived, exhausted, and unshowered when my kids were little and thinking how hard this is. But one look or touch or new thing learned always made up for it. It went by so fast and then they are grown and you have this empty spot that you have to fill. Find that passion. Your second life after kids is just as important as the first half but this time you are experienced, older, wiser. Make good use of your knowledge. Volunteer to spend a few hours, days or a week with a baby you love, relive those moments, it will bring you joy and a new understanding of self and what’s important. Live in the now.

The Power of Bummer

"Bummer." This is a word that I used to raise my kids. When they would call and say I forgot something at school, I would say, "Bummer. What are you going to do about it?" I would give three strikes from the start of the school year. Since I worked near home and school it wasn't too much of a deal for me to go back and get something for them. But it was annoying. So we set-up early on the three strikes rules. It had to be something they really needed and then they only had three times a school year for someone to bail them out.

Try it. "Bummer" works for a lot of situations while raising your kids. "Mom, I lost my book." "Bummer." Then you just look at them. After a while they get the hint that they need to solve the problems they cause for themselves.

After my daughter was out of high school, we were sitting around talking and the issue of drunk driving came up. My daughter piped in with, "I never drink and drive because I can see myself calling from the police station and telling my parents I had been arrested and them saying, 'Bummer. What are you going to do about it?'" That's a good parenting moment. You know your words are in their heads and sometimes they actually listen to you.

But the best moment was just this past week. My daughter is watching a little ten year old girl. She gets her ready for school in the morning and is finding out just how hard that is sometimes. She called me to complain that the little girl keeps forgetting things and she's had to take her backpack and lunches up to the school. So my daughter sat down with the parents and told them the "Bummer Method." They thought it was great and fit in with their parenting style. They decided on two "get out of jail free" cards. This little girl will be learning the power of bummer. More importantly to me, my little girl is passing on the power of bummer and understands it's value. What more can you ask as a parent but to see your methods played out and actually have a positive outcome?

Courage

"Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all."
-from the movie "The Princess Diaries" (2001)

I received this quote in my email from one of those quote of the day emails. I loved the quote and then laughed when I saw the source. But how appropriate the source when I think of my daughter. Our "little princess" taking off for New York and getting ready to face the world on her own terms. She barges through, visualizes and makes things happen. We should remember to look at our youth and recapture some of that courage.

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

New York, New York

My 20-year-old daughter is in New York City tonight. She’s their visiting friends and exploring the possibility of being a nanny for the next year. Oh to be 20 and free and exploring the city that never sleeps.

How is it that she get’s to go to New York before me? Ok, really I was there first. I flew to St Lucia in June and had to change planes in New York. We had breakfast in the airport at JFK. As we flew in over the morning sky, the skyline of New York loomed in front of us. I just knew that this was a city I needed to explore.

But my daughter is there for the weekend exploring Manhattan and has a job interview on Saturday. This is my wish come true for my children that they get to explore the world and find opportunities, take chances and become who they really want to be. Isn’t this the dream of everyone?

She visualized this every step of the way. She paid for herself, figured out where to stay and how to get there. Whether the job happens or not she saw what she wanted and made the path open up. No matter the outcome, it’s the journey, cliché as it may be. I admire her sheer guts for going to New York alone and taking on this challenge. You go girl.

Mom Socks

My 20 year old daughter is working at a restaurant and has to wear all black. So she went out and bought some flat black shoes that were a little dressier than her normal tennis shoes or flip flops. She was getting ready to go out the door the other day and she pulled up her socks and said, "Look, I'm wearing 'mom socks.'" She had borrowed a pair of my trouser socks to go with her new dressier shoes. All she owns are athletic socks. She said, "I guess I'll have to go out and buy my own 'mom socks' now." There was an audible sigh.

Let me take you back a few years. She was in junior high and my friend Martha and I had taken her to shop for a needy family for Christmas that our office sponsored. We did it every year and we thought this year she was old enough to help us out with picking out the items for the family. We always chose a family of five and we purchased outfits and items that the profile said the family needed.

There was a teenage girl in the profile this year. So Martha and I sent my daughter off to find something on the list as we chose socks for the family. We spent quite a bit of time discussing the options of socks for the teenage girl. We were quite aware of the whole "mom sock" theory that my daughter would denounce us with on a regular basis. They had to be just right. We thought we did a great job weighing what we thought were mom socks vs teenage socks. We wanted to show my daughter how "in" we were. All my daughter could say was, "Oh my God! Those are 'mom socks." She then put them back and picked out something else. She could not have any teenager wear something they might be ridiculed in. I think at that moment in time it didn't really matter which socks we picked. We were just lame in every way. I accepted that, and proudly wore my mom socks anyways.

But to hear my daughter say at age 20 that she had borrowed my mom socks and was going to purchase her own, made me think that maybe she was on her way to being that adult she once thought was so lame. Funny how a simple sock can be a precursor for adulthood.

First Day of School

On Monday I was able to fill in for our photographer at the Half Moon Bay Review and take the photos for a story about the first day of school. The reporter and I followed a kindergartner from getting up at his house through recess at his school. Since my youngest turned 20 on Sunday it certainly brought up a lot of memories for me. It seems just like yesterday that I was dropping my kids off at kindergarten and crying over them being so grown-up and going off into the world of school with their new clothes and lunch box in their hand.

The future is now for my children. One is 24 and in the Navy, the other is 20 and going to college. It's just as hard now watching them struggle with life decisions as it was when they started off in kindergarten and you wanted to teach them everything there is to know about life at the same time wanting to protect them. I don't know where the time goes and why it has to go by so fast, but it does. As much as you want them to stay young and cute and protect them at every turn, you also want to seem them soar on their own. That's the hardest part, watching and letting them make mistakes.

As for the kindergartner that I shadowed on Monday in the story, his mom informed us that he was very proud of the story in the newspaper. But on the second day of school he woke up and announced, "Today I don't think I can make it." Don't we all feel that way some days?